may 28

I’m not sure whether watching ridiculous romantic movies makes me more hopeful that he will come back to me or completely hopeless that my life will ever end up with something even close. And that’s not to say that the characters in the movies have the most perfect lives in all of Hollywood creation (at least not in this one), but that they are somehow able to overcome these seemingly impossible mountains to be together. So I suppose right now I’m in limbo, the optimistic side of me, which is clutching on for dear life at this point as it has been my mainstay for 27 years now, says that he has to come back. Why would they make all of these movies if it never really happened? That would be feeding a false hope for millions upon millions of Americans, and eventually everyone would be so bitter that they would stop watching them. I mean these people are so relatable; seemingly inconspicuous characters go about their seemingly inconspicuous lives all the while living and fighting for someone else. Because if it were all easy and there were no climax really no one would see them, because that doesn’t exist (at least not for the vast majority of people out there). At some point there has to be a challenge, an illness, a parent, distance; something to make you believe that these characters could be you. I guess they never show the heart-breaks that don’t work out, the lost souls that have been so broken that they are no longer fixable, nobody wants to watch that. Then there really wouldn’t be hope, it would be saying here you’re a disaster but newsflash it doesn’t get better, you might as well hand them a gun and say shoot. I cant imagine how hard the heartbroken cling to these stories, doing just as I have just done, finding similarities so striking that you are almost forced to believe that it has to happen to you. I guess when it comes down to it today is more of a denial day than a deal with the current situation and I’m ok with that. I’m ok with going to bed thinking that there’s still a chance; that maybe our challenge isn’t over yet, because then again that means neither are we.